I try to eat around my cravings, like eating lots of fruit to help me with all the sugar I want or things like protein bars (chocolate chip cookie dough by Quest usually) when I feel like I need chocolate. Your period shouldn’t cause you to go wayyy off your diet though. Cravings here and there are normal but just because you’re on your period doesn’t mean you still can’t have self control.
Feeling stressed about everything possible right now… “be the zebra Amanda, be the zebra!” If you don’t know about being the zebra, look it up. Anyway, I have some serious questions for myself that I have been trying to answer, stuff that’s been on my mind 24/7. What the fuck am I doing at the gym? I’m not training for a show, but am I using that as an excuse to not be strict with myself and just do what I want? Do I want to be strict with myself? Do I want to give the gym my full 100% for an hour or however long I’m there everyday or do I only wanna give 50% and still be happy with how I look right now? Looking for apartments is a pain in the ass. Searching for something that has a washer and dryer, parking available, storage available, a kitchen with a fridge microwave and dish washer, low water sewage and gas cost, under $1200 in U District? Pfffffff yeah right…not very much luck so far. So that sucks. Getting a job, that also sucks. I come home in 6 weeks and think I finally found a family that wants me to nanny for them but I might have to pick up a second job to make the money I need for rent so searching for a second job as well. Taking the 2 of the hardest classes ever and 2 that are a joke but I have to take for my major so I’m constantly either sitting in class dying because my brain can’t retain enough information or dying because I could be fucking studying for my real classes not sitting in a class I could pass in my sleep. Sorry but true. 2 research papers right now, 2 tests on Monday, random reading for my easy classes that I don’t want to do but have to because we have online quizzes every week, and random other stupid homework. Eating on a college campus, feeling good about my diet, not wanting to eat pizza and bagels and ice cream, yeah we all struggle with that shit. Shane got a job but its night shift 9pm-6am and I’m happy for him but he’s also super stressed with having that and then rugby all day long and being extra tired he’s not too excited about that. I’m not either because all I can think about is being selfish, coming home from school working to be able to pay for this apartment with him and now I’m never going to see him, won’t be able to sleep with him, don’t even know what that’s gonna be like. Ugh, sorry for the rant, lots of stuff in my mind and I just feel like shutting down. When things get hard, I shut down and it sucks. I get into a funk and all I want to do is sleep. Took a 5 hour nap today and woke up feeling a little better but then cried again for a good 30 minutes so it might take me another day or two to get my big girl head back on and stop being a baby. I should just be thankful for even being able to type these words onto this little screen, I know I have it better than a lot of people in this world. Goodnight.